(Extract from the Mind Publication "Understanding Childhood Distress ")

Children change rapidly and develop all the time.  In addition they have to learn to cope with many different situations and new challenges as well as with stress that may be going on in their daily lives.  It is not surprising therefore that most children will feel sad, anxious, angry or upset from time to time.  It is simply part of growing up.  They may tell their parents about their feelings or they may express them through short bouts of moodiness or disruptive behaviour or through odd aches and pains.

As long as such children appear to be coping with ordinary activities and as long as these feelings do not last too long, there is probably no real cause for concern.  The best help in these sorts of situations is for parents to be available to listen, to talk things through and to offer appropriate reassurance or support.  If the young person seems unwilling to talk to a parent then they might be encouraged to talk to a sympathetic relative or friend.

How to tell when something is wrong

Some children will experience difficulties that are more severe or long lasting or may react to setbacks in a more extreme way.  They may indicate to their parents or another person that they are feeling distressed or unable to cope, either directly or more often through various hints.  But more commonly they will show their distress through changes in mood or behaviour either at home or at school or with their friends.  They may seem unusually tearful, irritable, aggressive or lethargic, for example, or displaying little pleasure in activities they used to enjoy.  They may have difficulties in sleeping, lose their appetite for constantly complain of pains for which the doctor can find no physical cause.  They may be unable to concentrate or keep up at school, or withdraw from friends or family life, or they may be behaving in a very childish or self-destructive way.

Sometimes children manage reasonably well in one area of their life for a time but not in others.  For example they may show odd moods or behaviour at school but not at home or vice versa.  It is important therefore that there should be close contact between parents and teachers so that problems can be picked up at an early stage.

Occasionally one particular aspect of a child’s behaviour or mood may be so extreme or upsetting that it indicates that help is urgently needed: for example they may cut themselves, run away or say they no long want to go on living.  However, it is usually a mixture of odd moods and behaviours that persist over a period of time that give the clue that something may be wrong.  Parents usually know their own child best and should trust their own intuition.  If they are worried they should ask for help and not listen to people who say they are being over-anxious or fussing or that their child is just going through a phase.

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